Tell me a joke :D

A blonde is visiting the doctor. He says, "Well, we've done some tests... It seems you're pregnant." The blonde looks at him in astonishment, then sits for a moment, thinking. Finally, she asks him, "Is it mine?"

Q. Why did the rubber fly across the room?
A. He was pissed off.

Two snowmen are standing in a meadow. One snowman turns to the other and says, "Do you smell carrots?"

What do you call a black woman with 7 abortions?

A crime fighter

Lots of puns...
I wrote a book about money that makes no sense. (Cents)
I knew a woodcutter who was pretty poplar.
A good gardener always has a good salary. (Celery)
I didn't want to go for an acupuncture, but my friend told me it wasn't painful at all... I guess he had a good point.

My Life.

Nigga Stole mah bike!

Two rabbits were walking but they didn't come.

A man walks in to a shoe store.

the man walks out with a pair of shoes.

The Same man walks into a car with another person.

both the man and the person walk out of the car.

Except this time the person walks out of the car with the man's shoes.

The man then became trapped in a room for years.

confused? did I mention the man never paid?

Here's an old classic cleaned up enough to post (somehow makes it seem dirtier), I already own the game so give it to someone else.

An entertainer struts into his agent's office, very excited. "Sid," he begins, "have I got a new act for you!"

Sid's heard just about everything before, twice, so naturally he's skeptical. "Okay," he sighs, leaning back in his chair, "tell me what you got."

At this, the entertainer proceeds enthusiastically to detail a energetic, gymnastic and possibly physically impossible series of carnal acts, done one after the other, in various combinations and permutations, by himself, his wife, their three children (including the baby), the grandmother, the family dog, and even the parakeet at one memorable point. While he talks, Sid sits bolt upright, his eyes grow wider and wider, and his jaw drops lower and lower, until he's left gaping, with his glasses all steamed up.

Finally, Sid can take no more: "My God!" he exclaims. "What do you call that act?"

Replies the entertainer, with a beaming smile: "The Aristocrats!"

One of my favorite puns.
In the news today police were called out to a preschool where one of the kids is resisting a rest.

How do you teach a bear to ride a bicycle?

You nail his feet to the pedals, and you beat the shit out of him.

when is a door not a door?

when its ajar..................

please dont kill me.

Aren't jokes supposed to be funny? ._.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2f0nfrgaK4

Joke #1:

Why did the blonde have square boobs?

She forgot to take the tissues out of the box!

Joke #2:

Three girls enter a 1-mile foot race, a redhead, blonde, and brunette.
The redhead decided to quit just as the race started. When they were 1/4th done, the brunette got tired and ran off the race. The blonde was the only one left at this point, and when she reached the halfway mark, she got tired and ran back to the starting line.

What is the difference between a pizza and a jew? The pizza doesn't scream when it goes to the oven :D

Knock knock

Who's there?

Interrupting cow

Interrupting cow -

Moo

An old lady at the bank asked me if I could help check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Watch anime Gintama. If that doesn't make you laugh I can't think of any other.

What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?

Hold on to your nuts. This ain't your regular blow job.

Want a good joke?

Go search for it.

I have a big house, loving family, lots of friends, great job. Thank you, Sims.

Here is your Joke, and its HD :P
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4jn6ZVO_Tg0

Roses are red, Violets are red, Grass is red... damn, my garden's on fire