The past, the present and the future walked into a bar.
It was tense.

A 7 yr old and a 4 yr old are in their bedroom...
The 7 yr old looks at his brother and says, "I think it's time we start swearing"
The brother nods in agreement.
"When we go downstairs, I'll be the first to swear and then you swear" says the 7 yr old.
The two brothers go downstairs and the mother asks what they want for breakfast.
"I'll have a bowl of cocoa puffs, bitch!"
The mother smacks the kid so hard that he flies out of his chair.
The mother asks the 4 yr old what he wants. Stunned, the 4 yr old says, "I don't know, but it won't be fucking cocoa puffs!"

Q: How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Does it have to be a lightbulb?

My life.

Thanks :3

Thanks for the chance ;)

Thanks!

Thanks :D

Она: ответь мне, только честно, да или нет, хорошо?
Он: спрашивай
Она: почему мужчины смеются над блондинками?
Он: да

Ha! You got it?

p.s. Thank you anyway. ;)

Thanks :)

What do you call a polar bear wearing earmuffs?
Anything you want because he can't hear you.

You hear the one about the three holes in the ground filled with water?
No?
Well, well, well...
ba dum tss

Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
They taste funny.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.

thanks.is it a steam gift?

Thank you =)

Thank you!

Thank you!

Thanks! :D

One day a man had to chop some wood for his family. Unfortunately for him, there were no trees around him and he had to go to the Mt. Doom, where no one came back from. He was scared, indeed. But he still needed wood.

He started traversing through the mountain until he stumbled upon a severed arm. "Poor guy" - he said. "Maybe this is my lucky day. Still, I gotta go."

He made even further until he found a limbless body. Now he was really questioning his decision. The snowstorm was furious. It was cold. "No! Whatever it takes, I'm going to bring some fucking wood to my family. They can't die now!"

The snowstorm was blinding him as he wandered aimlessly. After two hours of the hard battle with furious weather, he tripped on a brutally chopped head.

"That's it! I should die with my loved ones instead of dying here from that monstrosity!". The moment he said that, he heard a scream of a little girl.

He ran towards the scream and he found the said girl. "Girl, girl, what happened?!". he shouted. "Where are your parents?" The girl replied: "They... They died! A bear ate them!"

As soon as he heard that, the man pulled his dick out and said "Oh boy, you're having quite a day!"

A joke!!!

☺

Thanks!

Thanx

Q: Which football team uses the most toilet paper?
A: Arsenal.

Gratitude for future soccer.

Why did the Necropolis have so many libraries? Because the undead are into skull-astics.