Sorry about sending this here but I just wanted to say this.
Pets can have a great impact on peoples lives. My uncle had to put one of his two rescue cats to sleep a couple of months ago due to cancer. I have a friend that had a 15 year old cat. One day he came home from work. opened the door and the cat was waiting for him. One little meow and it dropped on the floor. It waited for him to come home. He hasn't been able to get another one since.
I think I will never have a pet again in my life. Usually previous cats that I had when I was a kid, they just disappeared, but this was different... He had a FIP, virus that mutated... He was full of liquid, I was taking him to a Vet every day, sometimes slept only few hours with my mental condition - Anxiety, Depression and some kind of Psychosis based on Dissociative Disorder I guess... So I was so strong for him, I wasn't even aware that this kind of pain exists and that I will feel like a huge part of me died and that even a little purpose that I felt I had is lost forever... I feel guilty if I try to make myself happy... I dreamt 2 days in a row about him, but not so clear, more in images... I keep looking around house in hope to see his spirit, when I hear some crackle I look with a hope in my eyes... When I enter toilet my mind forgets sometimes that he isn't here anymore and expects to see him in sink, sick, where I used to always pet him and make him feel loved, because I knew one of these moments will be last... Well, last days he spent in Kitchen on the floor, he ate and drank that night, not much, but he did, because he always loved us, especially me, he would do whatever just to make me happy, he trusted me so much with everything... I am not sure if I am even afraid of death anymore after this, because my life got no purpose down here with him up there... Last time I seen him there, did our thing when it comes to petting, head on head, he wasn't in a good mood, but he always tolerated me because he seems also knew it was going to come for him... I turned off the light while looking at him... Few hours later I fell asleep, and at 13h I woke up for unknown reason, continued with sleep and at 13:40 I heard loud agony meow... When I came to him, he was paralyzed on the floor, still physically alive, reacted to pain when moved, but not often, eyes wide open, first few minutes I struggled to figure out how to bring him to vet, he even sh*t himself or something happened in middle of it, I think I even heard some scratching along with that meow, maybe nails, maybe he just fell next to that plastic thing... Anyways I brought him to vets, they said he is in Coma, despite of me mentioning his meow and he even moved his paw in front when vet picked him up... So he was mostly unresponsive, eye pupils dilated, didn't react even to a strong light... They gave him something for Tachycardia I guess, for heart, since they say he was chasing breath, probably water reached lungs overnight or idk, maybe embolia, idk... I was there in his last moments, I think vet accidentally or on purpose killed him with that medication, because his breathing and heart slowed down, I felt his last heartbeats and then he just started twitching around stomach and facial muscles, like when some dog is growling... At that moment I was strong, I even brought him home dead, he was there for next 3 hours and I was crying every 20 minutes like crazy and later at the night I had my 15th or 20th cry and I just started laughing hysterically, I started shaking in my bed and couldn't control my emotions, I gave up, I closed eyes, emptied my brain, I kinda wanted all this to stop, even if it means for me to disappear... As soon as I did that, it took me at least 24h for next cry, but it is still hard to speak aloud about him to people in person without getting that throat feeling... I cried yesterday too... It happened on 7th December and some things I will never forgive myself... Grieving has that guilt phase I guess, I remember having fight with my mom, I was yelling and I was so loud and hysterical around 5th December, only 2 days before his death, he even stopped eating for like 1min because he was very sensitive to loud sounds... I will never get over the fact that he died in agony and that when I tried to put him in Transporter he meowed because I hurt him accidentally by pushing him inside I guess, since he was full of water/liquid... I will never know why he did that meow, I will never know if he was aware that I was there with him to the last moment, I will never know why I woke up just 40min before that and what would happen if I didn't continue to sleep and checked up on him instead and took him to vet... Would that buy him 1 day at least... I am so lost, nothing like this ever happened to me before, it's the first time to experience, to witness that transition from alive to dead... It is indeed worst feeling someone could feel... His face changed right after the death, he just looked dead and I even talked to vets about football while leaving with dead body of my cat (and I don't even watch football) so yea, anyways, I feel like my life is forever changed, like I won't be able to love a single living being in this hell called Earth like I loved him... He was so special, so smart, he was a family member... We got him when he was 3, he died at 4.5, so we had him for 1.5 (a little less) and I cannot imagine how painful it would be if he lived for 10 years more and then died... People like me are not meant to love, to have pet... I was 6 or 7 when my puppy dog (few months old) got hit by a car, I saw that dog dead with blood all around his head and when we came home I cried like a baby (not that I was much far away from being a baby at that age haha) But kids continue with life, now I am turning 27 in January and my little baby, my little human in cat shape won't be there, he won't be there to destroy my little Christmas Tree, he won't be there to keep me warm at cold nights, to wake me up wanting to go out, he won't be there to analyze every single move I make, word I say, song I play... He won't be there, so I really feel like I don't care if I lose my mind or something, because there is not much worse than this feeling of losing a child, despite of him being a cat and on top of that most people say "it's only a cat, get another" Would someone say for a child "it's just a child, make another, adopt another" I guess no... I did read that suffering actually never ends, only you learn to live with that pain and empty feeling, in that case I am screwed...
Good story, thanks for the chance : )
Comment has been collapsed.
Welcome : )
Comment has been collapsed.
Thanks to him for the key and congratulations to you on level 5 :)
Comment has been collapsed.
Thank you :)
Comment has been collapsed.
Sorry about sending this here but I just wanted to say this.
Pets can have a great impact on peoples lives. My uncle had to put one of his two rescue cats to sleep a couple of months ago due to cancer. I have a friend that had a 15 year old cat. One day he came home from work. opened the door and the cat was waiting for him. One little meow and it dropped on the floor. It waited for him to come home. He hasn't been able to get another one since.
Comment has been collapsed.
I think I will never have a pet again in my life. Usually previous cats that I had when I was a kid, they just disappeared, but this was different... He had a FIP, virus that mutated... He was full of liquid, I was taking him to a Vet every day, sometimes slept only few hours with my mental condition - Anxiety, Depression and some kind of Psychosis based on Dissociative Disorder I guess... So I was so strong for him, I wasn't even aware that this kind of pain exists and that I will feel like a huge part of me died and that even a little purpose that I felt I had is lost forever... I feel guilty if I try to make myself happy... I dreamt 2 days in a row about him, but not so clear, more in images... I keep looking around house in hope to see his spirit, when I hear some crackle I look with a hope in my eyes... When I enter toilet my mind forgets sometimes that he isn't here anymore and expects to see him in sink, sick, where I used to always pet him and make him feel loved, because I knew one of these moments will be last... Well, last days he spent in Kitchen on the floor, he ate and drank that night, not much, but he did, because he always loved us, especially me, he would do whatever just to make me happy, he trusted me so much with everything... I am not sure if I am even afraid of death anymore after this, because my life got no purpose down here with him up there... Last time I seen him there, did our thing when it comes to petting, head on head, he wasn't in a good mood, but he always tolerated me because he seems also knew it was going to come for him... I turned off the light while looking at him... Few hours later I fell asleep, and at 13h I woke up for unknown reason, continued with sleep and at 13:40 I heard loud agony meow... When I came to him, he was paralyzed on the floor, still physically alive, reacted to pain when moved, but not often, eyes wide open, first few minutes I struggled to figure out how to bring him to vet, he even sh*t himself or something happened in middle of it, I think I even heard some scratching along with that meow, maybe nails, maybe he just fell next to that plastic thing... Anyways I brought him to vets, they said he is in Coma, despite of me mentioning his meow and he even moved his paw in front when vet picked him up... So he was mostly unresponsive, eye pupils dilated, didn't react even to a strong light... They gave him something for Tachycardia I guess, for heart, since they say he was chasing breath, probably water reached lungs overnight or idk, maybe embolia, idk... I was there in his last moments, I think vet accidentally or on purpose killed him with that medication, because his breathing and heart slowed down, I felt his last heartbeats and then he just started twitching around stomach and facial muscles, like when some dog is growling... At that moment I was strong, I even brought him home dead, he was there for next 3 hours and I was crying every 20 minutes like crazy and later at the night I had my 15th or 20th cry and I just started laughing hysterically, I started shaking in my bed and couldn't control my emotions, I gave up, I closed eyes, emptied my brain, I kinda wanted all this to stop, even if it means for me to disappear... As soon as I did that, it took me at least 24h for next cry, but it is still hard to speak aloud about him to people in person without getting that throat feeling... I cried yesterday too... It happened on 7th December and some things I will never forgive myself... Grieving has that guilt phase I guess, I remember having fight with my mom, I was yelling and I was so loud and hysterical around 5th December, only 2 days before his death, he even stopped eating for like 1min because he was very sensitive to loud sounds... I will never get over the fact that he died in agony and that when I tried to put him in Transporter he meowed because I hurt him accidentally by pushing him inside I guess, since he was full of water/liquid... I will never know why he did that meow, I will never know if he was aware that I was there with him to the last moment, I will never know why I woke up just 40min before that and what would happen if I didn't continue to sleep and checked up on him instead and took him to vet... Would that buy him 1 day at least... I am so lost, nothing like this ever happened to me before, it's the first time to experience, to witness that transition from alive to dead... It is indeed worst feeling someone could feel... His face changed right after the death, he just looked dead and I even talked to vets about football while leaving with dead body of my cat (and I don't even watch football) so yea, anyways, I feel like my life is forever changed, like I won't be able to love a single living being in this hell called Earth like I loved him... He was so special, so smart, he was a family member... We got him when he was 3, he died at 4.5, so we had him for 1.5 (a little less) and I cannot imagine how painful it would be if he lived for 10 years more and then died... People like me are not meant to love, to have pet... I was 6 or 7 when my puppy dog (few months old) got hit by a car, I saw that dog dead with blood all around his head and when we came home I cried like a baby (not that I was much far away from being a baby at that age haha) But kids continue with life, now I am turning 27 in January and my little baby, my little human in cat shape won't be there, he won't be there to destroy my little Christmas Tree, he won't be there to keep me warm at cold nights, to wake me up wanting to go out, he won't be there to analyze every single move I make, word I say, song I play... He won't be there, so I really feel like I don't care if I lose my mind or something, because there is not much worse than this feeling of losing a child, despite of him being a cat and on top of that most people say "it's only a cat, get another" Would someone say for a child "it's just a child, make another, adopt another" I guess no... I did read that suffering actually never ends, only you learn to live with that pain and empty feeling, in that case I am screwed...
Comment has been collapsed.