I'm not alone anymore, but I really wish I was.
I think trying to make friends was a mistake. I gotten so much worse from being truly alone. 'Cause I'm still alone, I just get to witness other people more closely now. I get to see kinky poly people and a few others enjoy themselves, I get to see people who claim to like me but fucking ignore me 80% of the time while flirting and talking to their tight group of friends all the time. I get to see crush happily move in with her gf's and pursue her dreams while having threesomes all the time. I get to see friends actually do stuff together and hear about people getting into all these kinky sex things and I just can't handle it. I wanna be alone again.
I don't really know what the point of this was? Venting I guess? I just want to thank everyone who ever did honestly care, and especially those who actually tried to help. I'm just sorry your efforts were didn't pan out and i'm such a disappointment. And I really can't enjoy your all's happiness, but apart from that I do hope you find it and success, because you actually do deserve it.
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Don't see it as a mistake. Life is all about experiences. While not all of them pay off in the end, knowing is better than regretting not knowing. You can get new friends, you can go back to being alone, but branching out and letting yourself grow is good. Maybe you need to trim those friends back and find new ones? You didn't make a mistake.
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I think I was better off being alone than when I had friends. Because now I get to hear about and see my friends experiences closer than I ever have while still never experiencing anything myself.
What I need to do is not be myself, but I don't know how to change myself as much as I need to, or really any at all.
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Don't change yourself for anyone. Get some people that like the real you. They're the best kind of friends, even if they're hard to find.
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Hope gaming would help to make you happier
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Being alone, for me, is a refugee... When I get angry (that's frequent), disappointed and these sort of things, I usually try to be alone as long as I can because I REALLY need to think with myself: what I'm doing wrong. The problem is not the world or even other people and their decisions... the real problem is me, because I have to be part of the solution, even when the solution is do nothing (or demands not care at all).
I can't stand a situation that I'm part of the problem. I NEED to be part of the solution... That's why I have to stop everything and think to myself (alone): what should I do to be part of the solution?
This seems non-sense and unrelated considering what you said, but it isn't. That's the catch... I'm all by myself when facing problems. No one in the world is more interested in solve problems than me (because some people don't see some problems as problems)... Now you can understand why I NEED to be part of the solution because if I don't solve my problems on my own, no one will.
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