ummm, funniest quote by dec 29th gets a free copy of a game. . . In liken to thier quote.

“The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old."
and
“There are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated: breast implants.”

both Barney Stinson quotes, hail to the Barnicle :)

Durka Durrr They took err jerb!!!

You can't really blame Noah for not knowing the two unicorns were gay.

A gorilla walks into a bar and order a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes his marriage is in shambles.

"Sadly this bomb cost more than the airplane it blew up."

• Totalbiscuit

Lots of these quotes aren't funny. I like the insightful ones nonetheless. For my pop-culutre references:

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't." - Douglas Adams

"Of course I'm sane, when trees start talking to me, I don't talk back." - Terry Pratchett

"Knight jumps Queen! Bishop jumps Queen! Pawns jump Queen! Gangbang!" - Mel Brooks, History of the World, Part I

An Irishman walks past a bar.

A Priest, a Rabbi and a Leprechaun walk into a bar. The Leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! I'm in the wrong joke!"

A quantum theorist walks into a bar. Maybe.

I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem.

"drink bleach, brighten up your insides..." -Harelori

"That sound you hear is God laughing as you make plans."

"It's not Lupus."

-Dr. House

She's going to need a little help with all them Peckers.

--Bastion's Narrator

"Men: No Shirt, No Service

Women: No Shirt, No Charge"

“You are so good I am almost forced to invite you for some bunga, bunga. Yes you are pretty enough, you could come.”

-Silvio Berlusconi

"War,war has changed..."

-Mario

"I like turtles" - Random Kid

Warning: This joke is not suitable. For anyone.

The Aristocrats - As performed by Gilbert Gottfried (my personal favorite)

I'm serious now, don't say I didn't warn you.

I won't write any part of it down as it's too long and I'm sure it will break a rule or two. Enjoy.

"What good's an honest soldier if he can be ordered to behave like a terrorist?"

• JC Denton
  "The human being created civilization not because of willingness but of a need to be assimilated into higher orders of structure and meaning."
• Morpheus

""Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" "Watson, you idiot!" He exclaims, "Somebody’s stolen our tent!"" - Sherlock Holmes

Press SPACEBAR to go to SPACE

• Me

"I come from the future and there man dont have any pants;

Reaction: What the f**k does that have to do with the future o.O ?

Answer: I dont know, it sounds funny..."

Terminator parody

"Lame Skyrim joke will probably get downvoted to Oblivion." - stranger on the internet.

guy at a computer shop: i had a woman bring in a floppy disk in a zip lock bag, "to keep the viruses out"

true story

"After 99999... 999 years in development we proud to present Ricochet 2, It was worth the weight.
Contact me if you want to be part of the development team of left 4 dead 9000! at G A B E N@Valvesoftware.C*M" -Gaben Newell

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
-Lana Turner

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
-Jim Carrey

I'm going to kick the leg out of, ...uh, your leg !
-Owen Hart