Private give away , 10 entries , The basement collection !

An elderly laywer was about to die. One day he told his wife he had come up with a way to take all of the money he had with him to heaven. He told his wife to put all of his money in the attic so when he died he could grab it on the way up.
A couple of weeks after he died his wife was cleaning out the attic and saw that the money bags were still there. "That old fool," she chuckled. "I told him that we should have put the money in the basement!"

HEY I TOLD A JOKE ;)

You've reached my mom's basement, where I continue to live, despite the fact that I am in my mid-40's.

I have no life.

[BEEP]

On coming home from a late night at the office, the partner at a presigious law firm discovered that his basement was flooded. He summoned a plumber. The plumber arrived soon afterward, with a spare set of overalls and a cap that said "Blue Collar Guy".
The lawyer, still dressed in his an expensive suit, silk tie, and gleaming wingtips, chuckled. "I like your hat," he said. "But you're the first plumber I've met who brought a change of clothes to a job." The plumber smiled.
The plumber went down into the basement, and the lawyer heard him working downstairs. Before too long, the plumber came back upstairs. "I'm almost done down there. I'm going to write up your bill, then I'm going to go out to my truck for a tool I need to finish up."
The plumber added, "The overalls and hat you asked me about, they're not for me. I'm looking for a new assistant, and I was hoping you might know somebody who wanted the job." The lawyer responded, with more than a hint of condescension, "I'm a lawyer. Who would I know who would want to work as a plumber?" The plumber shrugged, and handed the lawyer his bill.
A couple of minutes later, when the plumber returned from his truck, found the lawyer, dressed in the hat and overalls. "I had a chance to look over your bill while you were out," the lawyer said. "You found yourself an assistant."

A father had two little sons, one of whom was an eternal optimist, while
the other was a perpetual pessimist. One Christmas he decided try to
temper both of their proclivities: in addition to their standard gifts,
he told them they'd each get something "chosen especially for you!"
His plan was to give the pessimist every toy and game he could possibly
desire, while the optimist would be directed to the basement filled with
manure.
On Christmas, after the normal presents were opened, the father sent the
optimist to the cellar, while leading the pessimist to the room filled
with presents. After the pessimist opened all the gifts, he turned to
his father with a sad face and said: "How can I possibly use all these?
The TV will wear out, the Nintendo will get smashed, and all the other
toys will be broken!" After a few minutes of listening to such woe, the
father remembered his optimistic son, and ran to the basement steps.
There in the basement was his other son, swimming through the manure
with a gleeful smile. The father asked him why he was so happy, to
which the boy exclaimed "With this much manure, there must be a pony in
here somewhere!"

What do you call a witch who likes Subway? A sandwitch!!! HAHAHAHA get it, sandwitch... sandwich.

Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?

A: A whine cellar.

why so serious in the basement ?

One day while i was walking on the street... with in my new lafreak, YEAH!! (you have to laugh here)

Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.
Finally, the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.
He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"

Wanna hear a joke about my penus? Nevermind, it is too big... LIKE MY BASEMENT!!!!

I don't have a basement, I have an ATTIC hahahaha.

Not really a joke but a line from a Bo Burnham song.

"Yo, haters call me gay, but that aint hatin'
Cause im not homophobic, my morals are straight and
If I'm in the closet then you are below me
Takin the b-a-t out of basement, homey"

I don't care if I am entered or not, this is the first thing that popped into my head and thought I should share. :)

I manage to bring a different girl home every weekend.

It's getting quite crowded in my basement.

Three rabbis are standing around schmoosing when one of them says, "We've got a terrible problem with mice in the basement of the shul. Traps, cheese. Nothing works."

The second rabbi says, "Same thing with us. We tried it all. Still we have mice."

The third rabbi says, "We had the very same problem---but not anymore!" Now the other two rabbis are interested. "How did you do it?"

"It was easy. I went down in the basement, gathered all the mice together and performed a mass bar mitzvah. And we haven't seen any of them since!"

When my son was in the ninth grade, we reluctantly agreed to let him move into the basement. Then I realized how convenient it was to get him to the breakfast table. Before, I used to stand at the bottom of the staircase and scream his name. Now all I had to do was flick the basement light off and on, and he was here. One morning I flicked the switch, and nothing happened. I did it several more times. "I'm on my way," my son called up. "You didn't have to yell."

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a washing machine?

There's no washing machine in my basement.

Pssss... fuck basements , basements sucks!

A Brazilian couple were charged with the unauthorized practice of medicine after a woman who had liposuction in a blood-stained basement died.

The couple's lawyer defended his clients saying, "These immigrants are doing the illegal basement cosmetic surgeries that American fake doctors won't do."

One day a mum says to his son:

Mum: Can you go to the basament and bring me a dish towel, please?

Son: No! it's dark and there are monsters!

Mum: Don't worry, son, God is omnipresent, he's everywhere for protect you.
Son: ok i'll go

He goes to the door and shouts:
GOD, CAN YOU PICK THE DISH TOWEL?!?!?

Two gay guys play hide and seek in the basement, one of them is telling the rules to the other : "I'll hide, you count, if you find me, you can fuck me in the ass, in you don't find me, I'm behind the couch !"

Never go in basement without shotgun. no kiddin.

basement !

A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”

Two alligators were talking. One said to the other:

• My father is full of money!
  The other said: - He won the lottery?
• No. .. They made a wallet with him.