Have you ever felt so depressed that you felt like cutting onions all the time ?
don't feel bad. you can't know how she would have reacted if you butted in.
either she wouldn't like you for interfering, or she would. can't know until you ask her, if you want that is.
ignore that SOB, and chat her tomorrow to say you enjoyed the concert, and ask her to go to out again.
what could happen?
Comment has been collapsed.
Damn dude, with that picture you can get a new love in no time(if the current one does not work out).
Comment has been collapsed.
thanks, i guess? but in my country that's a face only a mother could love :)))
Comment has been collapsed.
+1, your not an unattractive guy. Even with cultural differences. Dont knock on yourself ever, its the biggest turn off to a woman Ive ever seen.
Comment has been collapsed.
I disagree with that, you're far from being ugly. I've seen you say you're ugly in more than one thread so I will assume you're just suffering from low self-esteem or maybe even from a mental disorder like body dysmorphic disorder.
I'd say you being shy is not why you cannot tell her you like her and that the problem is in you lacking confidence and having low self-esteem.
Comment has been collapsed.
noo man, you have good personality, good face, the only thing you lack is confidence / self esteem
trust us, you are a great guy
Comment has been collapsed.
I don't think so, but it's only my opinion anyway (if it's your profile pic).
Comment has been collapsed.
I agree with everyone else. If I were not already in a relationship, I would def ask you out. Don't sell yourself short. You are good looking and seem like a genuinely nice guy. Confidence is one of the most attractive qualities in a guy, so try to build your confidence up and I think you'll feel a lot better.
As far as the girl goes, I suggest chatting with her and going out with her again. Hopefully this time it wont go badly and the more time she spends with you the more she gets to know the real you. :)
Good luck man I know what its like to be shy and nervous all the time. If shes worth it to you, you should try to harness all the courage you can to pursue her. Sadly us shy people miss a lot of great opportunities because we are scared to make that leap when the opportunity is right in front of us.
Comment has been collapsed.
I feel you dude. I'm shy myself as well. But you probably handled it the right way. It probably wouldn't have ended well if you did intervene.
Comment has been collapsed.
First I just want to clear up one thing, Never take your physical size or strength as a comparison to your ability to fight. Ive seen 90 pound 'weaklings' destroy 200 pound bikers. Its about abilitiy and desire to win more than strength. As to the real point of your post though, you had no place to get jealous as you had made no moves to make your intent clear. So you acted reasonably in the circumstances.
As to what you should have done, lifes short, you very well could die tomorrow. If you like a girl, sweep her off her feet and kiss her, or otherwise find a way to make it very clear what you want. If you are denied, move on, if not, post pics. lol.
Comment has been collapsed.
Also, if you are trying to turn a friendship into something more, and you commonly get the kiss on the cheek thing, next time she goes to kiss your cheek, pull your head back and say 'Really, your gonna give me just your cheek?" and go in for a real kiss. Maybe she lets you, maybe she doesnt. If youre good friends, nothing will change even if she denies you. If she stops talking to you because you tried for more than she wanted, then she wasnt really a friend anyways. It's not out of line to try, it only becomes wrong when the person keeps trying after being told no, either verbally or by action.
Comment has been collapsed.
I'll try to do that but it's going to be super hard for me. I always think that doing this is out of bounds.
P.S. I sort of also do kickboxing, it's true that i'm not as agile but i get compensation from my strength :P
Comment has been collapsed.
Its only out of bounds if she says it is, like I said, if shes really your friend and you try for more, she'll understand, and let you know she doesnt feel the same. After that if you continue to push for more, its out of bounds, and its you abusing your friendship. But as it stands right now, from the info youve given, I thnk its fair to try.
Comment has been collapsed.
don't say it, just do it. Saying shit like that can make you seem like an entitled asshole. When she goes for the cheek and you follow up with trying a real kiss, your intent is clear, and her reaction will be as well
Comment has been collapsed.
Same goes with "give hand to shake at greeting" and "switch hand shake into kiss on the hand in the middle of the gesture".
Like nah man, I didn't give you my hand for you to leave your saliva on it, but for you to shake it. That's creepy when dudes do it, not gentlemanly.
Comment has been collapsed.
welcome to the 21st century?
I mean, seriously, when some dude does that, I just think to myself "not everyone washes their hands after using the toilet"
Comment has been collapsed.
Dunno about where you live, but here (Poland) men tend to "cultivate" middle-ages traditions, so they let you pass in the doors and so on. I don't care much about it for various reasons, but ok. It's not intruding my personal space, so I don't comment it in any way.
But when they try to actively force me into something just because they think they're chivalrous. Nah, it's gross.
And hey! I wash them! From time to time D:
Joking, as semi-microbiologist I have a thing about keeping my hands E. coli-free xD
Comment has been collapsed.
where I live chivalry is long dead and will never return.
The only people who try to be chivalrous are either trying to get into your pants, or just plain weird or both
Comment has been collapsed.
"Ive seen 90 pound 'weaklings' destroy 200 pound bikers"
No you haven't.
Comment has been collapsed.
that was actually very informative and cool. I didn't know that.
Comment has been collapsed.
You may find this interesting as well: https://goodheartextremescience.wordpress.com/2010/01/27/meet-the-creature-that-eats-its-own-brain/
Comment has been collapsed.
I am very shy person myself, although I believe that if you want some1, and u went to a concert with her, u should tell her that it is in fact a date, girls get hit on a lot of times and most of the time they reject all the idiots, but when u're going as a friend u'll get friend zone without even noticing.
Tbh I think I would have acted the same as u did, for being a shy person and not having the balls to tell her how I rly feel, but as some1 who can see it from aside I'd say pick up the phone, call her and tell her what u feel. Ask her to go out again, this time on a real date, as a couple. If she'll refuse and tell u she wants to be friends tell her to give it a try, and that it could rly work.
The fact that u didn't stand up to defend her from the jerk is actually ok in my point of view.
Oh and next time you go out, try to show her that u want to be more than a friend to her, not only tell her that. Women love to be wanted, don't force yourself on her ofc, be a gentleman as u say u r. I believe u can get her!
It is not the end! :) GLL
Comment has been collapsed.
I disagree with one part of what you said, obviously he shouldn't force himself on her. But that isnt to say he shouldnt make the first move, and to make it aggressively. I feel very bad for the younger generations for having grown up in this 'age of consent' so to speak. Women still for the most part, like a man who knows what he wants and goes after it. Ive never seen the whole 'Id very much like to kiss you now' work out for anyone. Just do it. Whats the worst that happens? She says no?
Comment has been collapsed.
I agree with doing the first move, didn't say not to, simply meant not to force it and act rude, yes try to get the kiss and raise her awareness of the desire of being a couple, but in case she says no or pushes back (which isn't a bad thing, this could happen gogu87) not to force it and respect her decision.
No matter what we all support and believe in you gogu87! Go get her!
Comment has been collapsed.
i would never act rude or force myself onto someone, that's just not in my nature. I usually know what i want it's just that the path i go get what i want is sort of like the wuss way :))
Comment has been collapsed.
Your GF accepted to have a " closed relationship " too ?
Comment has been collapsed.
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080330011448AASynse
I mean " Closed relationship " and " Open relationship ".
Comment has been collapsed.
Sorry, i though it meant something else ( english is not my native language). But she's not my GF but i'll ask how she feels about me
Comment has been collapsed.
seems she had fun and wasn't looking for anything else, she's probably a good friend.
Comment has been collapsed.
and btw, if you don't "see" her trying to get closer to you, don't ruin your friendship with her.
maybe you're lucky and she likes you, but chances are she could get upset/offended/freaked out and you lose a friend.
I'm speaking from experience, happened twice to me because people think being "alpha" and overconfidence are nice traits and everyone likes them.
Comment has been collapsed.
I dont understand that, unless of course they were very pushy about it, but if someone you consider a friend tries for a kiss, and you stop being friends with them, I think the fault lies more with you than them. I dont mean to offend, and I mean this in regards to both sides. Ive had female friends who wanted more from me, and tried, and we are still friends, I just made it clear that it wasnt what I wanted for whatever reason. But I guess some people can be very pushy and not take the hint, subtle or not. I'm glad I'm not a woman.
edit that last sentence sounds wrong, I just mean that our society usually the men make the first move, so women are often put in the position of either tolerating advances they dont want, or 'being the bitch' that shut the guy down.
Comment has been collapsed.
everyone's different.
it feels weird and uncomfortable to be near someone that tries to hit on me, especially a friend. I don't look at them the same any more.
Comment has been collapsed.
I imagine this has to be a real problem for you then. From the selfie thread pics, I imagine you get hit on a lot, both here and irl.
Comment has been collapsed.
Nah, she's got that passive aggressiveness going on to keep people away :D (I'm just joking, don't hate me MuIIins)
Comment has been collapsed.
I know it can be awkward if the friend who's hitting on you is obviously in love with you. But what about those who just wanted to have sex or were curious to see whether there can be something more between you and them?
If you tell them you're not interested and they don't keep pushing, I don't see why would you find it so uncomfortable being around them to terminate the friendship.
Since you're somewhat attractive I assume most of your male friends imagined having sex with you multiple times over. You're a smart girl so you're probably aware of that. How come you terminate friendship with those who show that, but are okay with those who do not?
I have to wonder what kind of person and what kind of friend you are when you ditch people for minor things like that. I personally wouldn't abandon my friends unless they either betray my trust in a significant way or get involved in serious crimes like killing someone or armed robbery (There's 0% chance the latter two would happen with my friends).
Comment has been collapsed.
Do not listen to this woman. (Love the new avatar, by the way. Is that Jessica Rabbit?) Women give TERRIBLE advice about this sort of thing
The fact is, this guy likes that she's a friend but really wants something more. He is a closeted type without many friends, so it's unlikely his company as a friend trumps that of her own friends. I suspect this girl made her move by inviting him and it is his turn -- and by not taking action, she may leave the relationship as it is.
NOTHING is worse than being friend-zoned by the girl you like. Life is about peaks and valleys. Never live in the middle. Better to have taken a risk and failed than wonder for eternity.
Comment has been collapsed.
i know nothing is worst than being friend-zoned :)) it took me 10 years to get over it :)) i don't think i can make it another 10 more :))
Comment has been collapsed.
the thing is that i'm also absolutely terrible at understanding hints. Two nights ago, i was at her house (with some other of her friends) and watched a couple of movies. We all sat in bed (just sat, and nothing else, don't get any freaky ideas :)) ). We sat near one another and at some point everyone was sort of tired (it was really late). She turned over on my side, and almost leaned on my shoulder, but my frigging glasses got in the way since we weren't actually inline and that was aborted :)). I didn't even hold her hand or anything cause i thought it wouldn't be appropriate. In my mind, even though there was enough space on her lady friend side, she just wanted to get a short nap and only turned towards me because it was less light coming from the tv :))
Kindergarten was hell of a lot easier, when kids would just say what ever they had on their minds :))
Comment has been collapsed.
the thing is that i'm also absolutely terrible at understanding hints.
Shy people just have it xD Problem is doubled if both of you are shy. I wasn't able to "read signs" from a girl for about one and half year (until she found more obvious way to show what she feels). Ten years later she keeps reminding me about that xD
Comment has been collapsed.
only if you know how to pay attention / read the signals.
(a) some people are completely clueless
(b) some people are really bad at giving hints
Comment has been collapsed.
I completely agree. unfortunately, most people don't have the courage to express clearly and unequivocally what they want not sure if courage is the right word
Comment has been collapsed.
Have you considered that she might have asked her friend to pretend being drunk, to stimulate a jealous reaction from you?
Anyway, whatever happened cannot be changed anymore, you just need to get a bit more daring next time.
See, I'm somewhat shy myself, so I totally feel your pain.
The only advice I can tell you is: if you really want her, get her before someone else do.
Because that can happen, and it will happen, if you don't act. Just don't go overboard, and you'll be fine.
Better trying and failing, than not even trying, and see her with someone else.
Trust me, you wouldn't want to see it, that would be REALLY painful... (source: experience)
The worse thing that could happen is that she might say no, and maybe slap you.
Comment has been collapsed.
Most mature women I've known don't like grown men fighting, and they also don't like drunk (faking or not) grown men pawing at them. The other guy being a "threat" was more than likely in your own head, so ignore it and move on.
Also, as Mullins said, perhaps the girl was just looking for a fun night out and nothing more, so don't go expecting anything more, and you'll never be disappointed. It seems as though you behaved appropriately and as a proper gentleman, which is always a good thing.
Comment has been collapsed.
I did initially started by expecting nothing. But that was the first time.
Comment has been collapsed.
In my experience girls like bad guys for sex, but good guys for marriage. Sometimes you have to be a bit of both.
Comment has been collapsed.
you do not want to know when was the last time i had intercourse.
Comment has been collapsed.
To all you guys who are shy, I have HORRIBLE social anxiety. Fake it til you make it, should be your motto. You'll probably always be shy, or introverted. But you'll find certain things get easier to push yourself into doing, after pushing yourself into doing them. Ive got 3 kids, have been with more partners than I ever deserved, and every time, I felt like I had no chance, and that I would be turned down and humiliated. But I forced myself to try anyways, and more times than not, it worked out in my favor.
Comment has been collapsed.
At least you're not dead.
http://www.startrek.com/article/remembering-ds9s-barry-jenner-1941-2016
http://www.cnn.com/2016/08/13/entertainment/actor-kenny-baker-dies/
So stop being such a whiny little kid.
Comment has been collapsed.
dead, old, famous and rich. you will be allowed then.
Comment has been collapsed.
I guess I understand why you feel sad, but there's not much you could've done about it. It's normal to feel somewhat jealous when you like someone and somebody else looks closer to them in that way or looks like they're hitting on them, but keeping your cool was the right way.
But it's not about the "nice guys finish last" or "friendzoning", people have to have some things in common in order to like eachother, and at least most of the times (if not always), it's not only about hobbies and things you like, but also attitude, character, personality.
Also, thanks for the train!
Comment has been collapsed.
you can tell that my personality, character and attitude are not on par with normal standards :)) but i swear i'm trying my best to improve
Comment has been collapsed.
I think you did the right thing not interfering and starting a fight with the other guy. Cock fights are not good in any way.
In my opinion what is holding you back is your lack of initiative. It's OK to be shy but ambiguity doesn't help. If you are not sure she is interested in you, how can you be certain she knows how you feel?
Even if she only wants a friend, telling/showing her you're fond of her would be how I handled this.
Cheer up :)
Comment has been collapsed.
all i have to do now is think of all the ways i can screw things up while doing that and avoid them :))
Comment has been collapsed.
PS-The whole "nice guy versus bad boy" concept is as outmoded as slavery.Binaries are dumb, unless it's a binary star system, then it's kind of neat.
Comment has been collapsed.
also, binary programming is also awesome. You can't get any closer to a machines mind than that :))
Comment has been collapsed.
And now you see one of the many reasons I can never let anyone get that close to me ever again. It never ends well. Ever.
Comment has been collapsed.
I understand your sadness, but don't let your rage overcome and make you stupid.
There is no glory on fighting a man for a women you like, it's only childish. So you have done well.
Maybe this girl want only some "fun" with a drunk guy, who knows. But the most important thing for you now is to break the ice with this girl and set aside your shyness.
You're not an ugly guy, so get things straight with this girl if you really like her. ;)
Comment has been collapsed.
When i spoke to her online she did said that she wanted to slap that guy but since he was drunk she just went along with it. And she doesn't seem like the girl that want's to have that kind of 'fun' :))
Comment has been collapsed.
Good for you! :)
Now it's your turn, go and hit the prey with your teeth! XD
Comment has been collapsed.
So if you had a girlfriend you'd let guys flirt with her and hug her and would just sit and watch? You're not shy, you're a cuck.
Comment has been collapsed.
If you get a girlfriend, and a dude tries to get to get funky with her, no matter how tough he looks, you have the responsibility to put a stop to it. I'm pretty sure that even if you get your ass kicked you will still look good in her eyes. My story is a bit different since we're not actually together and at the time reacting like that didn't seem appropriate.
Comment has been collapsed.
I'd say: talk to her about it. Tell her that you felt uncomfortable with what he did and you weren't sure how to act. Get her to tell you how she felt and what she expected.
You didn't say how she responded to what that other guy did. That's what should have determined your response, not fear of objectifying her. I actually think that not specifying that is objectifying her, because instead of trying to understand what was best for her in that situation you consider only how you felt and what you would have looked like.
Comment has been collapsed.
After i talked to her online she did say that she felt like slapping him and felt a bit uncomfortable.
Comment has been collapsed.
Maybe! But maybe! You should have said to him - "Hey man,can't you see she is uncomfortable you doing that? Maybe you should leave her alone?!"
And THEN maybe you would ended like "white knight" showing her you like her! Well thats what I would do....
Comment has been collapsed.
Ask her about what she think you should have done, or should do if this happens again. You can tell her that you wanted to do something (even though you thought she could handle the situation) but was afraid it'd turn ugly.
I think that if you can tell this publicly to strangers on the internet you can tell it to her.
Comment has been collapsed.
IMO it pretty much depends how she reacted to his behavior. Is she looked like she didn't like it you should top that dude.
It all seems to me like you only wondered what you should do from your perspective only, without mention how she reacted.
Comment has been collapsed.
You didn't notice she's not comfortable with him being all over her back when you were out?
Look if a girl doesn't flirt back she's most probably not interested. And if you're not interested in someone then obviously having that person get very pushy is not comfortable experience.
If you wanted to "save her" without causing trouble you could have just came to her, tell her you need to talk to her about something and drag her aside. Then you could have told her you noticed she's not enjoying being drooled over by that drunk so that's why you dragged her aside. Since you said it was very cold, you could have then asked her if she wants to go to somewhere warm, like a bar or a restaurant.
Comment has been collapsed.
I couldn't have asked her to come somewhere else because that would have meant to also leave her lady friend behind and that would have also been rude.
Comment has been collapsed.
You let her decide whether that'd be okay or not.
If her reply would be that that she doesn't want to leave her "lady friend" behind then all you would have to do is simply reply with: "Well of course, she should come with us." and then add: "But I don't like the other guy, if you two want him to come then you'll sit next to me.", or in your case since you don't seem to be the kind of guy to order girls what to do you could have added: "But I don't like the other guy, so if you two want him to come with us I think you should sit with me so he doesn't bother you as much." instead.
Comment has been collapsed.
-
Comment has been collapsed.