Have you ever felt so depressed that you felt like cutting onions all the time ?
It's quite possible she also felt awkward about her so-called drunken friend hitting on her and didn't want to say something to make the situation worse (some drunks to get violent after all). As an introvert and socially inept person, I know I would.
Also, I know I can't read minds and prefer straightforward honesty... I don't have time for BS or games. If a man were interested in me, I'd rather he simply say so.
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"Good guys don't finish last, they don't even get to the start line. "
No, we are already running.
(sorry for my bad english)
I am as you. Very shy. But I try it. I asked.. going to date. She refuses.. another man. I was disappointed and sad, but nothing changed. At the end of day, I asked her going to festival. As a friend. She accepted. She dance with me, smile on me and I feel normal like always. Nothing changed, only me. I learn something. Ask for date is easy, only first time is hard. Now Im not that shy as before.
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"Good guys don't finish last, they don't even get to the start line. "
Really well worded, but I do not agree...to some extent. Good guys CAN win. Not all girls are into so called macho or alpha mans, even if I do think they are more into them(especially in teen ages). You seems like a nice, self-controlled and smart person(just look at the damn post you made!). Also I gotta say props to no smoking and drinking rule, in my circle its so hard to avoid. REALLY hard when most of the people forces you to do so so you could fit in. I am really weak muscularly wise so I will have to go to gym I guess ASAP. :(
I think she is shy too as you, I happen to know 2 girls who also got ''attacked'' by drunken guys. They barely escaped literally. My advice is also to improve self-esteem. People see that, and they can use that against you.
I feel you and finding myself in it. I am a really shy person as a whole, even with my friends, it is just who I am. That is a big weakness I really want to get rid off, but I cannot. I regret to this day for not asking my friend out whom I was sitting her for 4 years in high school(she was btw hated by males in or class, I was her only male friend there, that forced her not to even go to prom).
I say ask her about how she feels about you. I get that you are afraid of losing her/friendzoning, but you WILL NOT be able to function properly when you are close to her, because you will be constantly treated other way than wanted to be. If not, then idk... I prefer straightforward people, so go for it. Else stay friends with her(so you will have to force kill the feelings sadly) and I am 100 percent certain you will find someone right for you even if it doesnt work out. Good luck! And thanks for the train!
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wow, lots of comments on this one...
There is good news. The good news is that you are in control of your own life. There is no "right way" to be human, to be happy, to be successful. But only you can be happy. You can't make other people happy (or unhappy). And other people can't make you happy or unhappy.
It IS good news, too. Why? Because that douche doesn't have control over your happiness. Neither does that girl that you like. It's up to you to decide how you want to act. AND how you want to feel. No, you can't change how you feel completely by just willing it. But you can make choices and do things that will affect how you do feel. And you can learn new behaviors and practice new ways of interacting with people if your current ways are not bringing you the feelings you want.
You can do it!
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I can only tell you one thing, this girl likes you! We never ever ask a guy to come along with a lady friend and another guy if we not at least like you very much. Of course until we know for sure they like us too we will cover it in randomness. Maybe you can't imagine she likes you as it appears you do not have a lot of self esteem. Guess what, it's possible. She is just shy too. You of all people should understand that.
Go for it she likes you.
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She obviously has no interest in the other guy or she wouldn't have walked home with you. She might have just been embarrassed for him or scared of him in his drunken state and didn't know how to react to the situation other than the way that she did. She must like you to have stayed with you throughout the night after all of that. Don't give up and talk to her about how you feel. It sounds as if her feelings may be mutual but you both are too shy or scared to say anything about it to each other. She might just be waiting for you to step up and start the conversation.
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That's life. Full of shit, but also full of good things. Just let the shitty things go away, no matter how hard it is. If it helps, I'm exactly like you. Never wanted to draw attention by doing stuff everybody does. For a LONG time I was sure I would never have a girlfriend. People thought I was a strange guy, to say the least. And I'm shy as shit. BUT life goes on. Eventually I met a girl that, against all expectations, liked me. She's the exact opposite of what I am. We're married for 12 years now, and we have 4 kids (yes, I said FOUR kids).
Now, I can't tell you that your life will be like mine, nor can anyone here. But I can say life is a strange and funny thing.
Don't give up on the girl. Find the best moment and tell her how you feel. The worst that can happen is you'll find out she likes you as a friend, and life goes on, sad as it is. On the other hand, something VERY NICE can happen to you both. Who knows?
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I'm a very quiet, shy (to put it lightly), and anxious person and I've dealt with things like this, along with my own negativity and other garbage, most of my life. It's probably why things turned out so bad for me.
I have no real advice, nor anything to say to cheer you up, but I wish you the best.
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Focus on becoming the strongest version of yourself, both physically AND mentally, if you want to attract someone good into your life.
You dont need superstar good looks to be charismatic. There's many good looking people out there with the charisma of a rotten potato, and vice versa.
Weakness and weak emotions like jealousy are not attractive qualities, "Doing the right thing", constantly being concerned about other people, and being an overzealous white knight are not attractive qualities.... We're living in the 21st century, women don't need a protector, they're more than capable of taking care of themselves. If she asked for help or desperately needed it, that's when you step up, otherwise its a learning experience for her.
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People often do want help even when they don't ask for it. I'd say that it's better to ask than do nothing. It shows that you have someone's back without assuming up front that they need the help.
('women don't need a protector, they're more than capable of taking care of themselve' is stereotypical bullshit. Few people need a protector, but a lot of people, men and women, really would appreciate someone at their side to support them when the going gets tough, instead of having to fend for themselves.)
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I think you did the right thing, The girl if she is uncomfortable should be the one to tell the guy. Maybe she did think that he was drunk so she just let it pass since they are friends. You walk her home and not him so dont be sad Cheer up! :)
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Sorry for the long time to respond( it's been a busy week for me).
Well we went out again twice.Once to a movie and once to eat out. Both times we were the same group( her, her lady friend, 2 other guys and myself).
When we went out to the movie it didn't work that well. It was a scary movie (not a bloody one, she dislikes blood and gust and all that jazz). It wasn't that scary for me (i've seen lots of scary movies and they are really predictable for me), but it was her second scary movie and she jumped towards me every time she had a jump scare(it was kind of funny :D ).
On our way back from the movie, the other guy was all 'the movie sucked, i've seen scarier cartoons than this '( i was the one that chose the movie and he knew it). Even though he talked trash about it, i didn't mind it since she and the rest had fun watching it. After that we went to get some drinks. I dranked water and was made by her to swear that next time i would have an actual drink :)) I agreed, the next time, whatever she would have i would also have. We had small talk( the entire group) for two hours and went towards home.
Before the group would disband we walk a bit of a road. Even though i was sticking really close to her, the guy managed to slip between us and grabbed her with his arm around her. Again the feeling of gelousy hit me. But there was nothing i could do. At the point where the group would disband we said goodbye ti the rest of them, she kissed him by the cheeks and i walked her home, got here home, she also kissed my by the cheeks. We kept talking online till 1 in the morning.
The next time we would go out wouldn't be so bad. She invited me to get some food (i was the one that invited her to the movie). She didn't mention who would join us other than her lady friend. We were also accompanied by the same guys as before.
After we finally found a small terrasse where we could sit and eat( even tough i wasn't hungry at all all that time :)) ), we ordered some food and for me and her a vodka cocktail( i always keep my promises, and i did promise i would drink this time :)) ). She said the drink was strong, but i t was like water to me. We small talked for a couple of hours once again( the entire group).
But after we left, things were a bit different. Even though it took me all the guts i had, i slowly grabbed her by my side with my arm around her to make small talk about something she said earlier. It was a bit of an awkward moment for me since instead of holding her firm, i held her as if i thought that if i would hold tighter, she would break. Half way to the point of the group disbandment i caught a glimpse of the other guy looking at me with a bit of despise.
As we disbanded, this time she didn't kiss him on the cheek and just said goodbye.
While i was walking her home i had several(somewhat failed i guess) attempts to put my arm around her. I say that because almost all the streets we went on are being worked on and and there are large holes that make it almost impossible to walk side by side with someone.
She jumped into my arms while we thought a dog would bark and scare her( it happened before, last time when i walked her home). But it was brief.
In front of her house we talked one more hour and a half or so till almost 1 in the morning. At 12 a clock she had a phone call. She seemed a bit upset about it. I tried to get her mind of it with some of my stories. It worked. I managed to put somewhat of a smile on her face. We said goodbye, kissed me on the cheeks and kept talking online till 3 in the morning, and she mentioned that she got upset that the call was from her old boyfriend that was actually parked a couple of meters away from her house ( i did saw a car whilst we were talking outside her house, and she confirmed that it was indeed him inside the car). I didn't want to upset her more about this and i didn't try to get any deeper.
In the past week, we've mostly talked online hours on end, from 4 hours up to 8 hours ( she really likes my stories :)) ). We talk about a lot of stuff, most of it are my stories. I also mentioned that i like her in one of the conversations but she didn't really went into that subject. I felt sad and happy at the same time. She didn't say that she likes me back but neither did she say that i shouldn't pursue this.
And she also invited me to go with her and 8 more of her friends to Holland for a city break in october. I instinctively accepted without any hesitation :)).
We keep having these long hours daily talks. I don't know whether this is heading any direction, but time will tell.
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Hey man, I think you need to be more assertive. You did good by grabbing her by your side, but if every other guy also does it then your move won't be so special to her. You need to make sure there's a possible future between you and her. Otherwise you'll end up in............................................THE FRIENDZONE.XD
Seriously, though, you can't look like you need her. She might see that as a weakness. Why don't you flirt more? She has to see you as a sexual object. If you just tell her stories, you'll just stay friends. Just my advice. All the best! :)
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Well, 90% of the time it sounds like she's giving you clear signals that she likes you... I mean she obviously sees you as a protector of kind (from the movie, dog), but then she does kind of avoid talking about liking each other so maybe she's not into you that way or she's still not sure and is waiting to see what's gonna happen... now it's up to you to see if she really really likes you as a friend, or if she likes you as a potential boyfriend. Honestly, the most confusing thing to me is that you guys haven't met alone, without the 47849583 other people already.
You should try saying, when you're talking online, like "randomly": "hey, you know what, we should go for an ice-cream tomorrow and I can show you the... (thing you talk about sometimes, whatever it is)... just the two of us you know..." and then see if she accepts or if she for some reason needs other people between you.
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Sounds good. If she jumps into your arms she feels safe with your touch, which is good. Like NB264 said, you should try to get some time with her alone. You already have that when walking her home, so won't be much a stretch to take her our to dinner.
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It sounds like she likes you, and has some hangups from a past relationship. Maybe she's not ready to start a new one, who knows? You should definitely be there for her and try to let her know your feelings. But I wouldn't go putting on this 'macho mask' Odds are that's what she's trying to get away from. Also I swear this girl is trying to get you drunk so drop your shy shields and tell her you like her ;p
Also I can totally relate on the 'flirty hint blindness' I've always been oblivious to when people are hitting on me, usually I have to have it pointed out by someone else.(I think it's a remnant of having really really low self esteem when I was younger and basically being in full on denial about ANYONE possibly flirting with me, so I just blank it out naturally most times). My fiancee thankfully is aware of this and has been training me to be more aware of cue's...I'm lucky she was chasing me so strongly for years because if she'd given up I'd totally still be single.
addendum: You're also quite handsome and shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise (especially not that little jerk in your head that likes to take jabs at yourself)
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i remember a saying that goes, if u never tried, theanswer is always no.
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