Cake Day sneaked up on me!

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I come ill prepared, but there is this factory next to my name!

No worries, dug up some humble gifts, so I am not totally empty handed.

it's been another eventful year and life is still rough on me.
My marriage is in shambles, the man that was once the love of my life is dying of cancer (that wasn't the cause of our break up).
My mum is deteriorating fast and needs more and more care and help.

I try to be there for both (despite the fact that my husband really broke me), but it is hard.
Sometimes it feels like living for 3 and when it becomes too much, I tend to totally forget and neglect myself.
I try to remind myself: you can not pour from an empty cup!

But the pressure to keep caring is really high, cause the system due to financial cut backs doesn't provide enough help.

I temporary moved in with my Mum as I really no longer could stay afloat living in the same house with the man that broke me.
But.....that doesn't seem to be a good solution!
I still need a place of my own. Tried to move out on my husband awhile back (when he wasn't that ill yet) but he financially blocked me.
If I would have left at that time, we would both have gotten in financial problems.
Now looking into finding a room (just a room, not a house) for myself in my home town
That way I can take breaks from caring and take some much needed "me" time.

My husband is not a bad person (neither I am, I think......) but.....he is obsessive, everything has to be done his way and he has an egocentric personality. When an egocentric person gets ill, life gets rough; extremely rough!
Before we discovered he had cancer he broke down physically and mentally, his behavior within his illness was extreme.
I've basically lived within a crisis situation for nearly 4 years , I felt (and I was!) abused on an emotional and psychological level.
When he finally got admitted to a center specialized in psychosomatic disorders we discovered he had cancer!

After his time in that specialized center it took me near 2 years to piece myself together slightly (with psychological aid).
I was ready to leave my husband a year ago. And yes, I felt awful! Cause who leaves a dying person!?
Truth is that the cancer had nothing to do with it!

I was blocked when I wanted out of a marriage that was hurting me so much.
And now my husband is really dying, this is probably his last year on earth.
I expect he will move to a hospice within the next half year or so.
I don't know how long my Mum still has.

So yeah.....life is still rough!

But the cake still wants to be shared!

I am sitting on a load of unused keys and sometime I will make loads of giveaways!

TL;DR: take the gibs:

4 years ago

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175 Comments

ET3D

Wow, that's tough. I will try to send some strength from my heart to yours. :)

Really, well done on suffering through this so far and helping those around you. You're both caring and strong, and that's incredible. Sure, it's tiring, but you've been at it for years, and you find new ways to cope, so I'm really proud of you. You listen to yourself and find ways to carry on, all while doing the best you can for others. What a great person you are!

4 years ago