I won, so you can too! (Ended)

Well... Since i have this game already i'll refrain from sharing my amazing humour. Yes.

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do you want to know the best joke...?
me too HUE

What animal should you never play cards with?

[spoiler] A Cheetah [/spoiler]

Where do books sleep?

[spoiler] Under their covers [/spoiler]

Why were the refrigerator foods afraid?

[spoiler] The milk went bad and turned rotten [/spoiler]

What’s the hardest thing about skydiving?

[spoiler] THE GROUND [/spoiler]

how many apples grow on trees?

[spoiler] All of them [/spoiler]

HAHAHAHAH!!! Ha. ha. haa? Okay, none of these are funny... I don't know any funny jokes, it turns out, all the ones I do know are from Popsicle sticks =(

SO.... Let's try something new. A NEW FUNNY!

Let's start with...

A man named John...

What's so interesting about John?

OH! He road in on a horse! FROM THE WEST!

i bet you're expecting this joke to be set in a saloon in the wild west aren't you? WRONG!

He rides up to...

A CARNECARIA! In TOKYO!

HA! (don't worry, not the punchline)

So yeah, John and his horse, riding from the west, come up to a carnecaria in downtown Toyko,

Okay... we have a setting, and a couple characters to boot! (I probably forgot to mention, the horse CAN TALK! (actually, I'm just making this up as I go (you already know this(I don't think I've ever been this many parentheses deep!))) Let's see where were this goes from here... let's just run with it...

Okay, so the horse walks into the carnecaria and orders 3 pounds of carne de pollo, y queso fresco. See, him and John are here to surprise visit an old friend of theirs, WITH MEAT AND CHEESE! So yeah, $17.59 later (someone work out the conversion rate, I'm american, and I'm lazy so don't expect anything from me whatsoever!) John and his horse head out again, this time south. (I'm hoping there is land south of Tokyo, for their sake)

So, 3 months later they arrive at their friend's home, cheese and meat unspoiled (salt can work wonders for preservation), only to find out, their friend has just recently passed away, automobile accident, it was quite tragic... (because every good comedy needs a tear jerking tragedy). Heartbroken, John and his trusty steed set out again, this time, aimless.

.....
I'm sorry guys... I can't continue, I've spent the last 10 minutes bawling my eyes out, and now, I'm almost certain, I am losing my mind, AND I ALREADY HAVE THIS GAME WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?! so, the story of John and his horse, is hereby, to be continued.

(I am so bad at funny it hurts. It even hurts to see "funny Modo" in action)

It's 4 a.m. and nothing comes to my mind, so maybe this vid may make you laugh as much as I did :P
Even if it doesn't qualify as a joke and I don't make the cut, many thanks for the giveaway/contest/whatever, you rock!

Edit: Wait, "you rock" reminded me of this (although, again, I'm not sure if it fits as a "joke")

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what would happen if hitler is still alive today ?

One more person on earth

it's a bar who walks into a man ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) euh WAT

So I can't link a video to you? :(
Like this?
and
This?
I think I'll get blacklisted xD

Also here's your chemistry joke xD

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a joke

here are some:

• What do you call an alligator that wears a vest?
  An investigator.
• What do you call Batman when he skips church?
  Christian Bale!
• Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?
  He won the "no-bell" prize!
• How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas?
  He felt his presents!
• What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.
  The guardians of the galaxy!

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Q: What do you call someone without a nose or a body?
A: Nobodynose :P

school started so:

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Do you know why there is a fence around the cementary? Because people are just dying to get in.

I'm not good with jokes, but I can try.
An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, “Excuse me, but I’m not a gynecologist.” “I know,” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out."

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You can't marry JLaw cuz she married me! <3

Not really a joke but I love this one so I had to share :)

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What do you call a faked pregnancy?

A misconception.

Side note: If you took offence to this joke, than you should feel bad because jokes are a just a bit of fun and carry no meaningful weight.

Don't know if this one has been told in this thread before, but I love this one:

Three cats are competing in a race. There’s an English cat named “one two three”, a German cat named “ein zwei drei”, and a French cat named “un deux trois”. The cats all swim across a lake. The English cat finishes first, the German cat finishes second, but the French cat is nowhere to be found. Why?

Because the un deux trois quatre cinq.

• What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
• Make me one with everything

People think Cupid is a symbol for love. Personally, I find an arrow being shot through your heart by a flying baby very horrifying. :P

So a manly database table walks into a bar and sees a lady table. He goes up to her and says "Hey babe, I'd love to INNER JOIN with you, if ya know what I mean?"