Have you ever played games? I know I have. In fact, I'm playing one right now. Which one, you may ask? No, you may not. But, I'll tell you, I'm playing, and talking about, real games -- real, virtual games. And I have the best one in the history of the world waiting to be owned by someone who isn't me, which would then make it the worst game ever because I will no longer own it.

From the makers of Orcs Must Die 2, the exciting sequel to the best-selling prequel, which was actually just the first game, comes Orcs Must Die 1: The Prequelening. Engage in the awe-inspiring mayhem that spawned the second game, which was actually better because it came second in line. And if real-life followed this same logic, by being picked last for kickball I was the Babe Ruth of kicking. In fact, no, I was not. I was like the Floyd Mayweather of reading.

Enough about that. My diary is still wet from when I headbutted its pages yesterday, with my face, because that's how I wipe away my tears!

Orcs Must Die 1 is not just the first game in the OMD series, it's also the one that isn't the sequel. To some, that may be common knowledge. But, I am not exactly known for being an intellectual. I was so surprised I correctly spelled my name yesterday,
I thought I saw the face of God.

Please enjoy the gift, or I will flex vigorously at my cats until I pass out.