USA

Sadly also the worst joke in the world...

My life :(

I got three:

Two women were sitting quietly...

An Irishman walks out off a bar...

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says to him, "Get out! We don't serve noble gases here!". Argon does not react.

My life

Two hookers on a bike and your mother falls.

HUEHUEHUEHUE

GalaGiveaways

what did one ocean say to the other ocean?

nothing, he just waved.

Knock Knock

Who's there?

The Doctor

Doctor Who ;D?

There's 2 blondes in a car driving down the road when they notice a third blonde rowing in a field. So one of the blondes in the car says "It's blondes like her that get us such a bad name. They are the ones that give people the inspiration for those stupid blonde jokes". The other blonde replies "Yes. If only I could swim, I'd go out there and drown her myself".

A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of vodka. He then takes out his wallet, opens it, looks in, closes it and orders another shot. This goes on for a while, eventually the bartender asks him "Why do you keep doing that?" The man replies "In there, there is a picture of my wife, when she begins to look good, I'm going home."

how barks chemist dog ??
hydrogen gold, hydrogen gold

A knife to the throat. btw, It's my favourite joke too...

My best joke is in dutch and goes like this:

Waarom is een condoom altijd blij?
Omdat het een pietzak is!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

I prefer funny real stories over jokes.

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read: "Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband " When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up. "

What's brown and sticky?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
................... A STICK!

What's the chemical formula of holy water?

-H2OMG

A man is at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident. He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face, says:

"Sir, I have very bad news. We did all we could. Right now she's in a vegatative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the rest of her life. She can stay here overnight, but after that, you'll have to take her home because your insurance doesn't cover this type of thing."

The guy slumps, just crushed.

The doctor continues: "With the right care, which will include you feeding her five times a day, changing her soiled diapers, and tending to her needs constantly, she'll likely live for at least another 30 years."

The guy sinks even lower, just crushed, and starts to cry.

Doctor: "As I said, your insurance doesn't cover this kind of care, so you'll have to make some sort of arrangements to purchase the equipment you'll need for your wife. I would suggest you put your house on the market today and sell it as quickly as possible and buy a mobile home. You're gonna need the excess cash. It should be enough to buy the equipment your wife needs and for you to live on for the next couple of months. By then, you should be able to qualify for welfare and other forms of state and federal aid."

By this point, the guy is sobbing uncontrollably.

At that point, the doctor puts his hand on the man's shoulder, and says, "Naaaah - I'm just fucking with you, she's dead."

There's a guy a work who always gets me with this one

'You know who I saw today? Everyone I looked at! Haha'

How many eggs does it take to make a French omelette?

One
...
Because one egg is un oeuf

I read the title, "What's your favorite Jamoke?"

Then I was like, "wuuuut... there's more than one Jamoke?" :|

The fish sticks joke.

i had a good joke about Alzheimer's but i forgot

ha-ha gotcha:D

Thanks for the jokes guys!