True Love?

I've recently asked this same thing with my mom and sister.

My sister, who's a newlywed, of course believes in it. My mom on the other hand, who suffered a bad marriage and even worse divorce, believes in it too. Currently she's in a relationship with someone and it baffles me that, just because she's clearly in love with this guy, she chooses to believe in this romantic bullshit, instead of being realistic considering her experience.

I mean, I love my mom, but for the lack of better word, I find it really stupid. Sorry mom.

Just like some others posted earlier, it's all just chemicals inside your brain. To procreate. Once you're done, you're stuck with children. That's when the understanding comes. "Let's work this out, for the children. Give this another chance." That's all there is to it.

Dance the same dance, until one of you can't do the twist anymore. Or... till death do you part and it did.

Anyway, regarding your crush, let the person know how you're feeling. That's the only way to deal with crushes. If you keep it quiet, it'll only tire you down emotionally, trust me. This comes from a guy who finally confessed his feeling to his childhood crush after 14 years. And in that 14 years, every time I saw her face, the butterflies in my stomach devoured my very heart till the day I let those words out.

Of course she rejected me. But I'm finally free from my own made up prison.

My belief : It doesn't exist. There is 7 billion people on earth, but everyone is unique, and it impossible to meet someone matching you perfectly.
But that's not a problem :) love is finding someone which default doesn't bother you, and vice versa. And there is plenty people falling into that category.

Jennifer, I thought and still think the same way. I am just awkward, shy, boring and I despise the way I look. Somehow I've been with two guys, one of them I'm with currently and hope that he can stand me/not get bored of me. I know you'll find someone, it's best not to try to look for love because... it's so cliche but... love will happen when you least expect it.

I do believe true love exists, none of the bullshit love at first sight because that's most likely lust. I feel like there is that one person that is your soul mate. Someone you find serenity in. Having a shitty day and coming home to hear their voice and just smiling! Like, I feel like you can love someone and really care about them, and you can also be IN love where you blindly would do anything for. I believe in the perfect match, because I couldn't imagine anyone else to be with and I mean that. I've only been in love once and am in love currently. I went out of my comfort zone because I was falling in love and I'm so glad I impulsively travelled 5 hours to meet them. I would do it again in a heart beat.

I am just going to live that here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjRdi_BjJbM

I am not a spiritual person at all, and I don't believe in any kind of mystical, magical, supernatural definition of love or destiny or soulmates or whatever Hollywood romance movie ideals there are out there. But...

Growing up and throughout my 20's I never had any real connection with anybody. Definitely not anything I would classify as anything remotely close to "love", and not even friends. Because even my "friends" were just people I had known for a long time and was used to being around. But I never felt any real personal connection or kinship with anyone.

I always felt like I was alone in this world. Even if I was surrounded by "friends" and family, I still felt completely alone. I always felt like there was something different about me, I never felt normal, if there even is such a thing. I would alternate between feeling like "I'm a loner and I don't need anybody, F the world" and feelings of extreme loneliness and hopelessness (usually coinciding with major depression and persistent suicidal thoughts).

But, when I was almost 30, I started chatting with someone online and we just *clicked* (no pun intended). The flow of conversation, the sense of humor, our fears and anxieties, everything just seemed so natural. It felt like we shared the same brain. We didn't even exchange photos for the first several months, it was just purely a typing conversation, which I think helped a lot to avoid all of the social awkwardness that I normally feel in life. Neither one of us are the type of person to just start talking to a stranger in person. We quickly got to the point where we chatted every evening for around an hour.

It got to the point where I was really excited for our chats each night. I had happy nervous energy, something I'd never experienced before. I felt like I was really falling for her before I ever even knew what she looked like. Honestly it didn't even matter to me anymore. When we finally exchanged photos and we actually didn't disgust each other, that was just a bonus... :P

After about 9 or 10 months of chatting (we had a couple phone calls, too, but neither of us are really into that so it was mostly online chatting) I drove the 900+ miles to visit her for the first time. I got a terrible roach-infested hotel room and spent a few days visiting her during the daytime. It was so awkward. As comfortable and fun as our chats were, our in-person visit was just really painfully awkward. I was super quiet and nervous and she was, too. That whole trip was basically a train wreck. But afterward, when we were back home and back in our safe zone chatting, we were able to laugh about it and reassure each other that we were happy to visit and not scared off by anything we saw. I think we were both so worried about being rejected that we didn't really let ourselves be ourselves. In a weird way, that shared awkward experience made us closer.

A few months later I went to visit again and it was a completely different experience. The anxiety of that first visit was gone, we were both totally comfortable around each other and really got to have the same kind of fun conversation in person that we had been having online for the past year.

That was 10 years ago. Now we have been married for 7 years and spend nearly every waking minute together (we even work in the same office!). It has only gotten better the more years we've been together. We never have "fights" and probably more than half of the things either of us say to each other are a joke or some kind of inside-reference that only we understand which only reinforces our closeness. Neither of us have any friends, really, but we are each others' best friend and we can finally "be ourselves" around each other without fear, without anxiety, knowing that whenever I have a problem, she is there to help, and whenever she has a problem, I'm there to help, that we are better together, and that feels like true love to me. :)

I never believed in true love until I met a certain someone who completely changed my world. Sadly she's passed away and I never really recovered... :(
Sorry if this is a bummer comment...

Love is just a chemical reaction that wears off after a while and then it's basically a choice to be an emotional slave to another person.

How I see it.

True love is just what you define it to be. It is you that makes it true (given the other person is not a shithole) not the other person.

But For me, I'd don't believe I ever will find it. The relationship I dream about is so fantastically improbable and combined with my social anxiety and shitty personality I doubt I'll find anything close to what I hope for nor an unexpected relationship either

You sound so much like me we could be long lost twins lol. The thing about your fantasy relationship is true. You'll probably never get a boyfriend (or girlfriend) that fits everything you dream them to be. What will happen though, is you'll find a partner who you fall for and you start to like the things that make them who they are. Thats when all the fantasies go out the window and it's replaced with quirks and personality traits that they have that you enjoy. Sure, you'll always wish he or she were more polite, or more goofy etc etc, but you won't be thinking about the check list that fits every trait you're looking for in them.

Second thing is, I have pretty bad social anxiety. I can only really chat online and I barely even make eye contact with people I dont know and trust. The reason I have a boyfriend (and some friends) is because they talked to me first. The more I hung out with them the more my shell broke and I got to know them. It helps to leave the house for any reason. I had taken a short college class which is where I've met some really cool people. Still, it took me 21 years to get a boyfriend. People with social anxiety like us will struggle more and will probably be late to the game, but it will still happen eventually.

Sorry for this long tangent. I just wanted you to know I was in your exact boat and it happened to me. My boyfriend isn't perfect in the slightest. He doesn't fight my criterias that I wanted in a man. He doesn't always understand my social anxiety, but I replaced the things I wanted with the things that made him who he was. Also I just read that you aren't looking for a relationship and thats the way to go! I was way more happy when I wasn't' looking then when I was dwelling on how I didnt have a boyfriend. Single life is underappreciated :p

To answer your question, If true love means "the one" then I don't think I've quite found that yet. I dont have it in mind that I will be together with this person forever. I also don't believe in soulmates and all that. My view is that statistically, most people will find someone at least once in there life it just may takes some patience. I've had friends who've been dating since age 13 and I've had another friend who just got her first boyfriend at 28. May take a while, but there is probably true love out there for everyone.

p.s as far as your "shitty personality" the things that you think are shit, are things that other people may find unique or good qualities. I have a friend who is an asshole to absolutely everyone, but still somehow has enough friends to fit a mansion :p

For now I don't really believe in true love probably because I haven't found it.

Just 3 days till the end of school year, I still haven't asked, nor tell her.. about it :( wish still had hope,. heheheheeheeehehehe

A lot of people found true love... hmm.... hope they're right.