First of all it's very good of you to even give-away at all, just like anyone! :)

Anyway here's a couple of laughable jokes/stories for ya'll:

*A guy walks in to a computer store looking for a new PC. A custom built one catches his eye. A staff member notices this and walks over. He says, "Hi. My name is Spotty".
"That's an unusual name", says the shopper. "Anyhow, I was wondering if you offer some kind of service plan on these things.
"Oh yes", says Spotty. "We offer a great support plan on our custom built computers. All you do when you have a problem is bring the computer into the store and I handle all the maintenance and repairs myself, free of charge."
"Hmmm", says the shopper. "How good are you at that?"
"I always do my absolute best and I've never had a complaint", says the rather confident and smug Spotty.
So the shopper says, "In that case, forget it. I'm not interested."
To which the staff member replies, "Why not?"
"Because your support plan is Spotty at best.

*THE BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
MY DEAR HUSBAND, I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years and I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and you didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case, I'm gone.

Regards, Your EX-Wife.

PS. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving to away together! Have a great life!

DEAR EX-WIFE, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and bitching. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was "You look just like a guy!" Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven't eaten pork for 7 years.

About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on it, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I won the 20 million dollar Lotto, on Saturday, I left my job and bought 2 tickets for us to Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dollar from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

I dont know what kind of jokes, makes you laught so i just try improvize.

JOKE:
Four chinese, Chu, Bu, Fu and Su, decided to emigrate to the USA.
In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards. Chu became Chuck, Bu became Buck.
Fu and his sister Su decided to stay in China.

Bonus Joke:

• Name?

• Abdul Anubi al-Dzabiri.

• Sex?

• Four times a week

• No, no, male or female?

• Male, female, sometimes camel...

Well I don't exactly know any jokes but, I think my profile picture will make you laugh. And if it doesn't, then here is my joke, or story.

So, one day I really had to use the bathroom, but I had guests over. I knew that if I went to the bathroom my ass crack would probably be screaming sounds, you know like fart noises, but anyway, I excused myself from the dinner table and went to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, I went all ninja while pooping by opening my butt and just letting the poop drop out. It all went better than expected...then my butt just exploded and made the biggest noise. I heard everyone laughing at me because I knew they heard it. So in the end. I climbed out of my bathroom window.

True story. Expect for the window part.

i need it because i seat half of life at the computer :),but i haven't the full half-life bundle and it is very sad.And i need a portal to resolve a problem of moving from 6 floor without elevator^))

just a dot .

I don't want the giveaway but I would like the winner to do this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_VheAwZBuQ :)

I deserve this pack because I am the only person on the effing planet who's never played HL2 all the way through. Mostly cause I never played HL1. Or CSS. Or L4D . On a slightly friendlier note, I really will be your friend for all eternity if you give me the pack.

I own a lot of Valve games, so I'd rather not receive that pack. What I would like, however, is to know who stole my god damn scarf. Someone stole my scarf and now my neck is ashamed to go out in public. It's just awful.

I want this Valve games because i'm playing every day portal 2 and i want to play another too :)

I think I should win the valve pack..., why? Because fuck you, that's why!

Just out of curiosity, with the huge amount of members already trying to kiss up to ETD, I wonder which are accurately true? ;)

And also WHAT IF THE GAMES HE"S GIVING OUT ARE FAKE!! Just thinking about it, makes me wonder if all of these people are raging right now because they either spent a lot of time working on their joke or whatever. Just to realize it was all a fake! :O

I wonder...

I'm actually one of your Horcruxes, precisely the gaming part of your brain. I need to be a winner and to play, because this is what you deeply need.

Plus, this will help me to win the incoming caucus in North Carolina.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.

I need it to brag about my large "steam library" and pick-up girls.

Magic beer

A lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer," he says.
She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you."
He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window.
The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."
He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.
She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."
She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.
The bartender looks up at the guy and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerkface when you're drunk."

I should get the pack (or runner up games)cause I'll play it like theres no tomorrow. Get it? 2012?

This post is not here. I am not posting this. There is no Steam...

I should totally get that pack because I am a video game addict, and I do not want help. At all. In fact, I'm looking for someone to enable my habit. On a more serious note, I have a bag of donuts, and you'll never guess what's in it.

give me because why not xD

Tractor-Trailer Truck/Semi-Truck: These tubes are as found in the "18-wheeler" tires and are frequently type 10.00-20. They measure about 45" tall and have a 20" center opening where the rim would go. They're big enough to comfortably support a man or woman, but the large opening may be too wide for a smaller child. They weigh about 7-10 pounds.

I have a mac and I am very limited in my choice of mac games. Valve is one of the few companies that accommodate the mac users/gamers. I don't even need the valve complete pack, (I have both portal 1 and 2, half life 2 Ep. 2, garry's mod, and counter strike source in valve games, so I don't even need it) just left 4 dead. I have no way to get games online, and my parents are very reluctant to buy anything online. ( I only bought three games in my account online, during the holiday sales.) Please help a limited mac gamer.

tickle tickle

If you give ME the games, the Flying Spaghetti Monster will touch you with his Noodily Appendage. You will then go to Paradise, where the rivers flow with beer, hundreds of strippers makes forests of writhing boobies, Volcanoes excrete chocolate instead of lava, the sky is made of Imax screens compatible with all games ever (including the ones in the future), rain comes down as Mountain Dew, and you never get sticky from the sugar and flavored body oil everywhere!

Drink the Meat Sauce and join me in the Gravy Boat and be blessed by the wonders of the TRUE religion of GAMING! Equip the colander of faith in your head slot! Be blessed by the Angel FrozenCowJuice! RAMEN! RAAAMEN!!

Feel the invisible noodles of Its perfection surround you and give ME the glories of STEAMED noodles! Join me in making FSM the official religion of gaming by giving games to an FSM gamer! RAMEN!

(In case you missed it, I'm a fucking televangelist, in that I fuck with televangelists for fun)

Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he was drinking coffee before it was cool.

Yeah, thats all I got.

Iz-za lesa iz-za gor
Priletel v eblo topor!

From Russia with love <3