Don't spit into the wind

(I miss you Warcraft 3 :P)

NEVER listen to a talking whiskey bottle. They usually tell you to pee in your lawyers mouth

Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan

Failing that, either crush some Valium or Ex-Lax into a drink...should act as a good distraction while you exit through the window...

Only eat paste from reputable paste dealers.

Never get Llama drunk

don't do drugs, don't play dota, don't make the same mistake as I did

Don't put twinkies on your pizza.

You need more pigeons...

don't beg on steamgifts

When you fight unicorns, make sure you ride your customizes Barack Obama, and you wear people's faces as masks to make sure you're not blamed for the murders of Kim Jong Un and Hitler.

So...gimme.

Thats what she said (ಠ⌣ಠ)

Don't die in the Hunger Games

HAHAHA
I heard this week:
"Be a pizza delivery guy; no one will disappointed when see you."

And I'm leaving a clever dark humor joke:

View attached image.

Love will find a hole way.

“If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.”

Terry Pratchett

Hmm... Advice, huh?
Let's see.

First: Avoid direct contact of bare skin with fire. Results may be hazardous to your health, although very entertaining.
Second: In-depth scientific researches and testing proves that drinking fuel prior to performing fire-eating may be dangerous, and cause the following undesirabilities: Chest pain, sneezing, coughing, inflammations, ulcers, other stomach diseases, intense diarrhea, painful urination, short-term memory loss, stroke, and death.
Third: Do not mix sodium or calcium hypochlorite with ammonia, unless very desperate for long, peaceful slumbers of an undefined longevity.

That's about it.
I can't believe I just wasted my time typing this. Oh god I'm so bored. ._.

Don't eat yellow snow ! ! !

When nothing goes right, go to bed.

advice to be yourself and stay llama classy

Always remember to make sure your victims are tied up nice and tight before putting them in the trunk. And don't forget to break off the glow in the dark trunk release hatch so in case they break free, they won't be able to open it up.

Oh and don't be afraid to apply generous amounts of duct tape, because $3 a roll is worth not getting the massive migraine you'll get when they scream. :/

Some people believe that all people are soft and sweet and gooey inside but people are really bastard coated bastards with bastard fillings. - Doctor Cox

Dr.Cox gives the best advice.

Only eat crabs if you're certain you won't take them home with you.

Don't try to eat things on fire.
You may get burned.

Don't. Unless, you know.